All I want is for something to go right for once. I'm not saying that I'm not not blessed and don't have a nice life because I definitely know I do. I'm just saying that for the past few days, things were crazy in various ways and I just want it to stop. I want things to work out and want everyone around me who is also struggling to move forward in positive ways as well.
So what happened? On Friday, my mom had a kidney removed and my baby got her first bruise and had to take an unexpected trip to the doctor to be safe since she's just shy of a year old. On Saturday, every plan we made fell through but some things did work out ok in the end. And tonight, my husband almost choked. He's currently in the ER with his dad since he didn't want me to take our baby there.
On top of all this, we just moved. We're trying to fix up both houses and losing our minds. I just want it over. I want our old house for sale ASAP and I want everything in its place at the new house. I want time to myself to work on my own projects before I lose my mind completely.
I got an update saying my husband is ok and getting an x-ray and a muscle relaxer. I just hope he'll be fine. I hope this experience helps him slow down and take time to breathe and think before acting more. The thought of losing him over a sandwich is so terrifyingly crazy it's almost laughable but I know it happens. Crazier things do. Just please don't let it happen today.
Please let my mom, husband, sister-in-law who is struggling with endometriosis, family who deals with PTSD and other after effects of the military find ways to move forward in positive ways. Let my mother-in-law who kindly came to help me and learn what happened, not have a sore shoulder tomorrow from carrying her granddaughter. Please let things work out well for once. Let us move forward. Amen.
Monday, June 20, 2016
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Thoughts on Harambe
Since the story is viral, and easy to find if you don't already know about Harambe the gorilla, I'm not going into specifics. You can find them yourself and the video of him online.
But to give a little background, he's a Silverback gorilla who is critically endangered. He was killed after a four year old boy got into his enclosure. The entire event is terribly unfortunate and opinions are widespread on the issue of whether he truly needed to be shot, whether to charge the parents of the child with neglect, etc.
Anyways, everything considered and controversy aside, I think the real issue is having animals in captivity in the first place. Is it the best way to see animals? Definitely not. Is it a good way to breed endangered animals? Possibly. Is it a great way to learn about animals and create empathy? Possibly. I guess it's good in the interim but the best way to learn is in person, in the wild.
While in grad school, I was fortunate to take a class in Costa Rica. It was truly one of the most beautiful places that I've been so far in my life. I got to go to the rain forest and see many plants, animals, and ecosystems in person. It was magical!
The best part was the animals. There are so many beautiful birds, deer, monkeys, turtles, rodents, etc. Seeing spider monkeys up close one day made me see things differently. If not for that trip, I wouldn't know what it's like to see them living their lives in person, traveling with their young in the canopies, calling out to each other, and likely saying how crazy we tourists with cameras were. It was so pure, honest, and real.
Seeing animals in captivity just doesn't compare. The whole experience seems sad and voyeuristic. They have no choice than to have their lives on display and they can't fully live them without their true habitats.
I hope someday soon humans will find a way to just let them live. Stop creating more shopping centers and houses no one can afford and think long term. Learn to appreciate the ecosystem and where we all stand with the animals. We can't live without them. They show us true beauty, how to live without care and within our means, they teach us about ourselves and what's really important in life.
Whether Harambe was helping the boy and generally treating him as he would a baby monkey or if he had bad intentions is unknown and no longer open to discussion since he's gone. But going forward, I hope his death encourages more awareness of the dangers of captivity, of watching our kids closely and teaching them to respect boundaries (though I know even the most responsible of parents can't see everything - no one is omniscient), taking trips to see animals in the wild, and becoming more aware and appreciative of the beauty in our own backyards. Empathy and awareness begins at home.
But to give a little background, he's a Silverback gorilla who is critically endangered. He was killed after a four year old boy got into his enclosure. The entire event is terribly unfortunate and opinions are widespread on the issue of whether he truly needed to be shot, whether to charge the parents of the child with neglect, etc.
Anyways, everything considered and controversy aside, I think the real issue is having animals in captivity in the first place. Is it the best way to see animals? Definitely not. Is it a good way to breed endangered animals? Possibly. Is it a great way to learn about animals and create empathy? Possibly. I guess it's good in the interim but the best way to learn is in person, in the wild.
While in grad school, I was fortunate to take a class in Costa Rica. It was truly one of the most beautiful places that I've been so far in my life. I got to go to the rain forest and see many plants, animals, and ecosystems in person. It was magical!
The best part was the animals. There are so many beautiful birds, deer, monkeys, turtles, rodents, etc. Seeing spider monkeys up close one day made me see things differently. If not for that trip, I wouldn't know what it's like to see them living their lives in person, traveling with their young in the canopies, calling out to each other, and likely saying how crazy we tourists with cameras were. It was so pure, honest, and real.
Seeing animals in captivity just doesn't compare. The whole experience seems sad and voyeuristic. They have no choice than to have their lives on display and they can't fully live them without their true habitats.
I hope someday soon humans will find a way to just let them live. Stop creating more shopping centers and houses no one can afford and think long term. Learn to appreciate the ecosystem and where we all stand with the animals. We can't live without them. They show us true beauty, how to live without care and within our means, they teach us about ourselves and what's really important in life.
Whether Harambe was helping the boy and generally treating him as he would a baby monkey or if he had bad intentions is unknown and no longer open to discussion since he's gone. But going forward, I hope his death encourages more awareness of the dangers of captivity, of watching our kids closely and teaching them to respect boundaries (though I know even the most responsible of parents can't see everything - no one is omniscient), taking trips to see animals in the wild, and becoming more aware and appreciative of the beauty in our own backyards. Empathy and awareness begins at home.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Quiet moments + self love
As I write this, my darling girl is laying on my belly sleeping peacefully. Sometimes she still needs me to make sure she gets a decent morning nap and I'm willing to do what it takes, even if it means laying here and not getting something done.
But it also makes me think about my body. I'm the biggest I've ever been in my life except for when I was with child and I hate buying new clothes knowing it's temporary. My girl will be a year old soon and I haven't lost much weight so I had to drop the ego and get bigger clothes.
Too often, we women feel like we have to conform and be uncomfortable wearing the smallest size we can fit in. Sometimes it's hard to get that message out of your brain since it's blasted at us constantly by the media, magazines, etc. Most women don't have perfect bodies and shouldn't feel like we must.
My personal issue lies with my belly. There is so much loose skin from pregnancy that few things fit right. The rest of me is basically the same as before. So it's tough some days to remember that this body created a life, that it makes a good pillow for her, that it helped feed her and continues to care for her, regardless of how tired and worn out it may be.
So today, I'm happily wearing bigger capris and am looking forward to working out more but am ok with where I am. I'm working on loving myself as is and hope that every woman does the same.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
New beginnings
Starting anything new is scary. But once you get started, whatever it is often becomes exhilarating. I feel like I'm starting over. My family is in the process of moving to a new house that has everything we need to live our lives more fully and I'm working on getting back to my roots.
Since becoming a mom last June, literally everything I do revolves around my darling daughter. She's taught me to appreciate the small things in life - little smiles, giggles, small changes that you only notice if looking deeply. She makes me want to be the best person that I can but also makes me realize that I can act locally and focus on a few things and not try to do everything.
So I'm going back to my roots, my first love: art. I'm teaching myself to sew again and rediscovering previous loves. I can feel it in my bones that my path is coming to light...
For those who don't already know me, I have a Bachelor's in Fine Art and a Masters in Environmental Science. Crazy, huh? I can't tell you how many people looked at (and treated me) like I was crazy. Yes, an artist can love science too!
But getting that Masters degree killed part of me. I met so many wonderful people and yet several who I trusted seemed to do all they could to make life difficult. They would help others, but not me. Even if I recently took the time to help them with something. I felt like the outcast, the black sheep. I'm glad for the experience and knowledge and realization that I simply don't belong in that realm, even if it involved hardship. I lost a part of myself, many dreams and goals, but I'm finally picking up the pieces.
Two days after I learned I was with child, I got a call that would change my life. It was for a job I thought I wanted but I quickly learned I didn't. Other jobs that I knew were perfect for me, I didn't get. So why this one? Who knows?! But it taught me again that I have value, that I can work with anyone, and that I love to write and create.
It was an extremely stressful job. I don't want to discuss the details. Let it suffice to say that no one felt safe. We were constantly threatened, berated, expected to work 24/7 and have no life. After one night of severe pain about 4 months into my pregnancy, I knew I couldn't continue that life. I didn't want to risk losing my baby.
Thankfully my husband got a better job soon after and now I'm a stay at home mom. I love being with my darling girl, but I know there's more to me and I want to teach her to be strong and brave and to go after her dreams.
So here I am! Rosabelle Design. This is for my daughter, my family, but especially for me. I want to show myself that I can start over and find my own way.
Since becoming a mom last June, literally everything I do revolves around my darling daughter. She's taught me to appreciate the small things in life - little smiles, giggles, small changes that you only notice if looking deeply. She makes me want to be the best person that I can but also makes me realize that I can act locally and focus on a few things and not try to do everything.
So I'm going back to my roots, my first love: art. I'm teaching myself to sew again and rediscovering previous loves. I can feel it in my bones that my path is coming to light...
For those who don't already know me, I have a Bachelor's in Fine Art and a Masters in Environmental Science. Crazy, huh? I can't tell you how many people looked at (and treated me) like I was crazy. Yes, an artist can love science too!
But getting that Masters degree killed part of me. I met so many wonderful people and yet several who I trusted seemed to do all they could to make life difficult. They would help others, but not me. Even if I recently took the time to help them with something. I felt like the outcast, the black sheep. I'm glad for the experience and knowledge and realization that I simply don't belong in that realm, even if it involved hardship. I lost a part of myself, many dreams and goals, but I'm finally picking up the pieces.
Two days after I learned I was with child, I got a call that would change my life. It was for a job I thought I wanted but I quickly learned I didn't. Other jobs that I knew were perfect for me, I didn't get. So why this one? Who knows?! But it taught me again that I have value, that I can work with anyone, and that I love to write and create.
It was an extremely stressful job. I don't want to discuss the details. Let it suffice to say that no one felt safe. We were constantly threatened, berated, expected to work 24/7 and have no life. After one night of severe pain about 4 months into my pregnancy, I knew I couldn't continue that life. I didn't want to risk losing my baby.
Thankfully my husband got a better job soon after and now I'm a stay at home mom. I love being with my darling girl, but I know there's more to me and I want to teach her to be strong and brave and to go after her dreams.
So here I am! Rosabelle Design. This is for my daughter, my family, but especially for me. I want to show myself that I can start over and find my own way.
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