Quiet moments + self love

As I write this, my darling girl is laying on my belly sleeping peacefully. Sometimes she still needs me to make sure she gets a decent morning nap and I'm willing to do what it takes, even if it means laying here and not getting something done.

But it also makes me think about my body. I'm the biggest I've ever been in my life except for when I was with child and I hate buying new clothes knowing it's temporary. My girl will be a year old soon and I haven't lost much weight so I had to drop the ego and get bigger clothes. 

Too often, we women feel like we have to conform and be uncomfortable wearing the smallest size we can fit in. Sometimes it's hard to get that message out of your brain since it's blasted at us constantly by the media, magazines, etc. Most women don't have perfect bodies and shouldn't feel like we must.

My personal issue lies with my belly. There is so much loose skin from pregnancy that few things fit right. The rest of me is basically the same as before. So it's tough some days to remember that this body created a life, that it makes a good pillow for her, that it helped feed her and continues to care for her, regardless of how tired and worn out it may be.

So today, I'm happily wearing bigger capris and am looking forward to working out more but am ok with where I am. I'm working on loving myself as is and hope that every woman does the same.

New beginnings

Starting anything new is scary.  But once you get started, whatever it is often becomes exhilarating. I feel like I'm starting over. My family is in the process of moving to a new house that has everything we need to live our lives more fully and I'm working on getting back to my roots.

Since becoming a mom last June, literally everything I do revolves around my darling daughter. She's taught me to appreciate the small things in life - little smiles, giggles, small changes that you only notice if looking deeply. She makes me want to be the best person that I can but also makes me realize that I can act locally and focus on a few things and not try to do everything.

So I'm going back to my roots, my first love: art. I'm teaching myself to sew again and rediscovering previous loves. I can feel it in my bones that my path is coming to light...

For those who don't already know me, I have a Bachelor's in Fine Art and a Masters in Environmental Science. Crazy, huh? I can't tell you how many people looked at (and treated me) like I was crazy. Yes, an artist can love science too!

But getting that Masters degree killed part of me. I met so many wonderful people and yet several who I trusted seemed to do all they could to make life difficult. They would help others, but not me. Even if I recently took the time to help them with something. I felt like the outcast, the black sheep. I'm glad for the experience and knowledge and realization that I simply don't belong in that realm, even if it involved hardship. I lost a part of myself, many dreams and goals, but I'm finally picking up the pieces.

Two days after I learned I was with child, I got a call that would change my life. It was for a job I thought I wanted but I quickly learned I didn't. Other jobs that I knew were perfect for me, I didn't get. So why this one? Who knows?! But it taught me again that I have value, that I can work with anyone, and that I love to write and create.

It was an extremely stressful job. I don't want to discuss the details. Let it suffice to say that no one felt safe. We were constantly threatened, berated, expected to work 24/7 and have no life. After one night of severe pain about 4 months into my pregnancy, I knew I couldn't continue that life. I didn't want to risk losing my baby.

Thankfully my husband got a better job soon after and now I'm a stay at home mom. I love being with my darling girl, but I know there's more to me and I want to teach her to be strong and brave and to go after her dreams.

So here I am! Rosabelle Design. This is for my daughter, my family, but especially for me. I want to show myself that I can start over and find my own way.